1. You order your Chinese food through bullet-proof glass.
2. When you get angry at people for not walking fast enough.
3. When you understand this: "Jeet yet?" "No, jew?"
4. You reach middle age never having owned an automobile.
5. How many people outside of the 'City' know what a 'Regular' coffee is?
6. Every other phone book looks like a magazine.
7. When your greatest wish is to have an apartment with its own washer and dryer. And when you finally get that apartment, the washer and dryer are the first thing you show to everybody that comes over to visit.
8. You’re a Hindu and start talking Yiddish: “Why that son of a Nafkeh! That no-good chamoole's tokhes! May he receive hot borsht cristiyahs and live on pishechtz and dreck! Kuck im on!”
9. When you walk past the Black Rock on 6th and wonder how long it's been since Moondog left the scene.
10. When you stand 2 lanes into traffic waiting to cross the street.
11. You can not only take a catnap on the subway while sitting, but can manage to fit one in and stay standing while hanging onto the bar.
12. When you walk into a crack-house and it reminds you of your first NY apartment building.
13. You know you're a New Yorker when the "shortest time span known to man" is the time between the light turns green and the guy behind you honks his horn.
14. When watching “Deliverance” reminds you of that time you went to New Jersey.
15. You're sure that the kids on the subway selling $1.00 M&M's for their "basketball team" are totally scamming you, but you think that paying $225,000 for a 400-sq.-ft. studio is a good deal.
16. You consider taking a cab because you don't want to lose your parking spot.
17. You discover that NYC sells over 3,500 telescopes a year. Of course, we haven't seen a star in the sky since the blackout of 1977 but that doesn't matter since the telescopes never point higher than the top window of the building across the street from their owners. By the way, Winona Ryder never closes her blinds. (just kidding)
18. You Know You're a New Yorker When... you're standing nose-to-nose with someone on the subway & yet you're not looking at each other.
19. ...when the most important utensil in your kitchen is the phone
You know your a new yorker when....
1. You say the "city" when you mean Manhattan and expect everyone to know what it means.
2. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
3. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you muliligual.
4.You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price to be charged without a gun held to your head.
5. You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple."
6. Your door has more than three locks.
7. Your favorite movie has DeNiro and Pacino in it.
8. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
9. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
10. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.
11. You complain about having to mow it.
12. You consider Westchester "Upstate".
13. You think Central Park is "nature."
14. You're paying $1100 a month for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."
15. You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.
16. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent.
17. You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
18. You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.
19. Your closet is filled with black clothes.
20. You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
21. You actually take fashion seriously.
22. Being truly alone makes you nervous.
23. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
24. Going to Long Island is considered a "road trip."
25. You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form.
26. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
27. You haven't cooked a meal since helping mom last Thanksgiving with the turkey.
28. You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
29. Fifty dollars worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.
30. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories. 31. You don't hear sirens anymore.
32. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air quality and what it's doing to your lungs.
33. You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.
34. Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean, your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watch seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.
21. Traffic regulations are mere suggestions
22. You know you're a New Yorker when you…understand that there are as many New Yorks as there are New Yorkers
23. You tip the super $10 to hang a picture on the wall because you don't own your own hammer.